Harold Camping is now predicting the Rapture will be on October 21st, which ironically is the exact same birthdate as dynamite inventor, Swede Alfred Nobel, and that other catastrophic disaster, Kim Kardashian. Coincidence? I think not!
In response to this news retail outlets worldwide are planning to have their Boxing Day Sales brought forward and are expecting a run on survival kits. One source I spoke with said "It's going to be hell - literally! I well imagine that these items, along with all Christians, will just disappear out the door! We've included an extra item in this years kit, and that is a Bible - just in case."
In relation to his latest flawed prediction Camping was quoted as saying “…he felt so terrible when his doomsday prediction did not come true that he left home and took refuge in a motel with his mistress”. Campings diminishing band of followers, or 'Merry Men' as he likes to refer to them, did likewise, as reported on www.stuff.co.nz “When the Rapture didn't arrive Saturday, crestfallen followers began turning their attention to more earthly concerns”
On his recent miscalculation "...because of a mathematical error", Camping had this to say: "Kids, stay in school! I remember asking my teacher why we had to do maths, because I was never going to need it as I just wanted to be a preacher when I grew up! My teacher tried to tell me that you never could tell when you'd need it. Gee, don't I feel a fool now! I imagine she is probably laughing at me now, along with the rest of the world!"
Jeff Hopkins, 52, a long time follower, who attached a neon sign to his car saying “The End is Nigh” summed it up nicely when he said; "I've been mocked and scoffed and cursed at and I've been through a lot with this lighted sign on top of my car" Hopkins, a former television producer, who now lives in Sunny Hills Sanitarium, Great River, NY went on to say "I was doing what I've been instructed to do through the Bible, but now I've been stymied. It's like getting slapped in the face." He went on to add "But I suppose a slap in the face is nothing compared with earth ending catastrophic hell-fire and brimstone, a plague of locusts or the demons of hell devouring your soul? But I guess it's all relative" Hopkins also added that, being New York, his car was often mistaken for a taxi cab with many a drunken punter advising: “Dude, you spelt night wrong!”
Camping's nonprofit radio station reported in 2009 IRS filings “…that it received US$18.3 million in donations, and had assets of more than US$104 million, including US$34 million in stocks or other publicly traded securities”. Camping was heard to joke with a fellow devotee that he "...hopes that when God conducts the Rapture he brings a needle, with an eye of suitable size, so he, and his fortune, can fit through it!" When reminded that he couldn't take it with him when he went, he replied disappointingly "Really? I think I'll need to recalculate again in that case!"
http://www.stuff.co.nz/ reported that Tim LaHaye, co-author of the best-selling "Left Behind" novels about the end times, recently called Camping's prediction "not only bizarre but 100 percent wrong!" He cited the bible verse Matthew 24:36, `but about that day or hour no one knows" except God. "While it may be in the near future, many signs of our times certainly indicate so, but anyone who thinks they `know' the day and the hour is flat out wrong," LaHaye wrote on his Web site, leftbehind.com. “And by the way” he continues after a lengthy pause “God actually only talks to me, and he told me the actual date, but asked I keep it a secret because then everyone would be getting on the forgiveness bandwagon, he'd be inundated, and all hell would break loose”
Some say the flaw in LaHaye’s argument is that he forgets about the time difference. Should D-Day occur on the 21st of October as predicted, then it would occur first in New Zealand due to their location on the international dateline. As the first country to see the light, or blazing inferno in this case, they would be first to be destroyed Therefore, allowing for this time difference, other countries would be pre-warned and be able to, quickly, organise mass convertions or confessions, Afghanistan excluded. Hopefully this would allow the multitudes to ride the rapture train.
Rugby World Cup officials have indicated that should D-Day be confirmed for the 21st October then the final of the World Cup would be rescheduled from the 23rd October to an earlier date to meet televison committments. Daniel Carter and Richie McGaw have been reported as reassessing their decisions to resign with the NZRFU and stay in New Zealand after the World Cup. Carter was heard to say "This would be a great time to use one of my 'sabbatical' cards and get out of hell free!" McGaw was heard to say "Doh!"
God could not be contacted for comment. Instead, Christians offered a 1000 page prepared statement entitled the Bible.
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you must be super busy my love as you have loaded up my in box! haha
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