A resent report in the nz herald newspapa sed many Kiwis take there ability to reed and rite for granted but New zealand needs to step up its game in tackling ellitracy, acording to a report by the World Litracy Fundation.
The report, called the Economic and Social Cost of Illiteracy, seez the soschil and econimic cost of not bein able to reed and rite cost NZ $3 billion a year - whoa!
Andrew Kay, co-author of the report says "Often, the end result of low literacy levels is trapping people in a cycle of poverty, poor health, limited employment opportunities, reduced income potential and low productivity in businesses."
The World Literacy Summit meets in Oxford next week with the aim of eradicating illiteracy by 2020. Kay stated that "we need to treat illiteracy as a disease that we are aiming to eradicate"
An international study conducted in 2008 on literacy found that 40 percent of New Zealand's working population were below the minimum level required to participate in a modern economy. Internationally, illiteracy is estimateed to cost the global economy more than $1.19 trillion a year.
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| Minister of Everything - a real hard arse! |
When asked to comment on these findings, New Zealand's Minister of Everything, Bespectacled Guy said "This is indeed alarming, but drastic issues require drastic measures, and that is exactly what we've come up with. National Standards are the beginning by which we are able to judge students literacy levels but we plan to implement a standards based literacy assessment of all New Zealanders by the end of the year. This will enable us to see who can read and write and who can't so by the beginning of next year we will commence a genocid scheme whereby we shoot all those that fail to read and write to an acceptable level"
When questioned further on this Bespectacled Guy agreed that it appeared harsh, but insisted it was fair and would in fact solve many of New Zealand's social and economic woes in one foul swoop. "Well, think about it. Illiterate people are allegedely caught in a vicious cycle of poverty, unemployment, poor health, limited opportunities yah-di yah-di yah. So by culling these underachivers we erradicate poverty, raise employment levels, lower the welfare cost, increase productivity, have a healthier society and so on. Basically it's survival of the fittest, which we see everyday in nature anyway, and it appears to work well. It would actually put us on the top of all OECD lists of things worth being on"
Opposition to this new measure was swift and highly vocal, with protestors marching down Queen Street chanting "Heel no, yous cant shot us!" Bespectacled Guy was quick to downplay this opposition to his new initiative "See, that lot out there would be the first to go! Them, and Unionists. If they had a job and could read and write they wouldn't be out there protesting"
The last time something similar was tried was when Hitler did something similar some time back. "Hitler was a maniacal racist though", said Bespectacled Guy, "We aren't bound by race, creed, culture etc, just stupidity - that's our only criteria"
When asked if that would put undue pressure on schools and teachers, Bespectacled Guy replied, "Well, you'll probably find that a lot of them will be in the cull too, so another benefit will be the improved education system. There really are no losers here...except of course for the idiotic, but that's just a price we're willing to have them pay"
Members of the opposition were not available for comment, as most of them had either gone into hiding or moved to Australia.
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| "A part cultural factors will play. Go to New Zealand I won't!" |
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