Doomsday Preacher Suffers Stroke!

The New Zealand Herald reported today that Doomsday prophet Harold Camping had suffered a stroke and was recuperating in a Californian hospital.

"Doctors have been monitoring the progress of 89-year-old Harold Camping since he was taken by ambulance from his Alameda home late last week."  the Herald claims.

"He is presently recuperating in a local hospital and, despite being delusional, the doctors are pleased with his progress." Family Radio's special projects coordinator Michael Garcia said. 

Hospital psychiatric staff state that Camping is in an advanced state of dementia and is claiming that "The end of the world is nigh...ish, depending on which algorithm you use". 

"He's doing quite well, all thing's considered" said Camping's daughter Susan Espinoza, who works at her father's network. "We haven't made a decision on what will happen with the radio broadcasts, but for now they are playing recorded programs, like 'Michael Landon Reads the Classics', 'Billy Graham's Dummy's Guide to TV Evangalism', and Bill Clinton's Memoirs.

"I though it was the Rapture, but it turns out
it was just a dodgy vindaloo reaking havoc
with my bowels"  claims Camping

When Camping's apocalyptic prophecy failed to occur on May 21, Camping was widely mocked and he called it "a very difficult time."  He now claims that it was actually his own demise he had foreseen, and not the world's.  Camping's daughter, Espinoza, responded with "A very difficult time?  Now that's an understatement!  I was made a laughing stock and I couldn't leave my fallout bunker for weeks!"

Doctors at the hospital had confirmed Camping's hallucinations of the Rapture had unsettled staff but that they had all asked Camping to put in a good word for them to the man upstairs just in case!  "You can never be too careful can you" said one, "Besides, we did save his life so the least he could do was reciprocate in kind...right?"

Germans voted world's least funny.

In a global pole conducted recently it was found that the German's were voted the least funny people on earth.  And in other earth shattering news today, it has been revealed that the earth, to which I refer, is actually round!

The social network and dating website Badoo.com asked 30,000 people across 15 countries to name both the "funniest," or best at making people laugh," and "the least funny" nationality.

To be fair though the validity of the pole has been called into question as the level of humour one possesses was measured by one's response to the singular statement: "Don't mention the war!"

One German I questioned about this new finding replied, "Ve vill ask da quevestions!"

"Invade Russia!  You're having a laugh ain't ya?"

Another insisted that history was scattered with great German comics.  When asked to elaborate, he commented that they were scattered across the deserts of North Africa, the baren plains of Russia, and the swamps of the Somme.  "It vas a riot in da trenches before da big push.  And vat about da Colonel Klink and da uder fat guy in Hogan's Heroes?  Dey were a skrrream!  Dat vas based on fact you know - dere really vas a var - just don't mention it, da!?"

Fitz Nicentite, a German Comedic Scholar and authority from Auschwitz Community College was at pains to insist that the survey was flawed as countries such as Afghanistan, Irag, Yemen, Libya, Somalia, and Belgium weren't included in the survey.
"Come on, you mean to tell me dat dey have plenty to laugh about?  I tink not, da!"

Americans took the funniest prize, followed by the Spanish in second and Italians in third. 

The voting for "least funny" nationality confirmed the view of American novelist Mark Twain that "a German joke is no laughing matter."

The British, who have given us such comedy classics as 'Gimme, Gimme, Gimme' and Amy Winehouse, was only ranked 7th.  "I'm afraid that we don't find some of the results very funny," said Badoo's Director of Marketing Lloyd Price, who is British.  "You will note of course that we are a dating and social networking site so I think what these findings actually tells us is that American's are largely lame-arse losers who spend most of their time trying to find happiness on the internet!  I also think it prudent to point out that if you read the question correctly you will note that it refered to laughing AT not WITH""

The American Society of Comedic Practioners have responded with their own survey asking who the biggest whingers and sore losers were.  England got all the votes.

Hitler - a comedc genious.
"A funny thing happened on the way to Poland..."

The Russians and Turks, second and third least funny people respectively, also refuted the findings.
In a joint, translated statement, they said they actually "laughed like hell" when Germany tried to invade Russia, and likewise the Anzacs at Anzac Cove, which proved they had a sense of humour. 
"Nine!", exclaimed Nicentite, "Hitler vas da hooooten genious, unt his officers vere heard to say 'You're having a laugh aren't ya?' ven he ordered the invasion of Russia"

Roseanne Barr: "At least I'm funnier than Hitler!"

On a related topic Andy Dick, Roseanne Barr, and Bob Sagett were today inducted into the USA Hall of Comedic Fame.

"I rest my case" Lloyd Price was heard to say.

You've heard of Planking? Well here's the next big craze. It's...

BANKING!  That's right, banking!  And it's huge, it's taking a grip all around the world.  I happen to have snapped this anonymous shady character performing banking in Rarotonga recently, and does he ever push the limits to the max!

Banking in Public - crazy!

Things start off seemingly innocent enough (above) but you will note he still has his hat on and that is a huge security risk.  Just testing the waters perhaps...?  And this where things start to get a little hairy...

  Banking at the wrong Bank, madness!

And again!  Whatever will this daredevil do next?!

As you can see from the photos above there seems to be no end to the lengths this guy will go to satisfy his thirst for cheap thrills.  I thought I'd seen it all but then things just started getting absurd!

This is where things started to get out of hand...
...and just down right dangerous.

Indiscriminate Planking has already claimed one life and with pranks like this it won't be too long before Banking does the same.  Especially when you try to combine Planking with Banking, or as it's come to be known Banking Plankers, as this guy is attempting here.  If this guy was to get caught hogging the ATM queue like this there would be pandemonium on the streets.

Despite his thrill seeking antics to date this Banking Planker has at least managed to to stay within the confines of common human deceny, but now really starts to push the envelope, as you can see below;

Banking around food is a Banking no-no!

Not content with his ground breaking and death defying stunts to date Mr $, as he has come to be known, then attempts to Bank in the local supermarket, and if you look closely at his card you will note it's the wrong bank - will the madness never end?!

And then, having seen it all, or so I thought, Mr $ then laughs in the face of authority, taunting the police with his craziest stunt to date.  It's as if he's saying "Catch me if you can Copper!"

It won't be long be total Anarchy breaks out!

Time will tell if the world is ready for such tomfoolery.  Watch this space and I'll keep you posted on the latest Banking craze!